Wednesday, March 23, 2005


Purely hypothetical post. One of those "I have a friend who..." posts. No, seriously.

I'm soliciting the advice from the random community of strangers that make up this corner of the internets. Are the following things weird?

1. Considering dumping a nice enough certain someone because s/he's just too nice. Examples: s/he's too accommodating ("What do you want to do?" -- "Oh, whatever you want to do..."), and/or too easy to walk all over ("Yeah, we had plans last night, sorry I didn't show up." -- "Oh, that's okay, it was just a quiet night here watching television....").

2. Continuing to date someone who has wildly different taste from you. Examples: music (popular/MTV versus jazz), television shows (popular culture mind rot versus PBS junkie), leisure time activities (bike riding versus popular culture mind rot), weekend sleep patterns (sleep until noon versus up-and-at-'em by 8 am).

3. Continuing to date someone even though you are physically incapable of sleeping in the same room (let alone bed) as them (light sleeper versus heavy snorer).

4. Continuing to be with someone even though the sex is a bit unsatisfying.

5. Keeping in mind #4 above, considering breaking up with someone even though the naked cuddling is quite nice.

6. Insisting on a condom even for partnered masturbation sessions. What about for solo masturbation sessions?

Just a few questions going through my head. I know the first response everyone will come up with is "Well, does the asking party LOVE him, or at least REALLY LIKE him?" Answer: Undetermined at this time. (And to stave off further questions: About three months, no explicit discussions of exclusivity.)

If you're a lurker here, please pipe up now! And if you're still here looking for the unedited lyrics to that "Milkshake" song, I still don't have them.


Steve said...

Tell your 'friend' I'll ponder your, er, his/her questions and post later in the day, but I'm going with dumping him/her.

ericorbit said...

are all of these scenarios characteristics of the same person?

1. this could get annoying, but i dont think this reason alone is something to break up over.
2. see #1
3. err, thats kinda tough. i dont think that would have long term potential for me, but it could work for others.
4. sorry, but bye. unless both parties agree sex outside the relationship is ok.
5. awww. nice, but not always enough sometimes.
6. eww, paranoid much? that's just weird, see ya later.

Jon said...

I agree- it's not going to work out.

katie said...

Okay this lurker is piping up.
1) to nice? This sounds like no personality to me.
2)No big deal
3) Can this be dealt with? Ear plugs?
4)There is no fixing this.
5) Thats great, but it would be better if the sex was good.
6) hmm.

Just my 2 cents. I enjoy your blog by the way.

Mike said...

1). I agree with ericorbet. Not enough reason to breakup with him/'s better than being stuck with an asshole like the last guy I dated.
2)not a big deal, acutally adds flavor to any relationship
3) semi-deal breaker
4) deal breaker!
5) cuddling is nice, but sex is better

Hope this helps Dennis!!
6) better to be safe than sorry

Matthew said...

1) I don't know if this would qualify as 'weird,' however I'd caution anyone contemplating breaking up with someone simply because the person is "too nice." Actually, what you're describing doesn't really seem like "nice," but more like indecisive or milquetoast. If this is annoying our hypothetical person to the point that it just can't be helped, then I guess there's your answer. But it's always better to have someone who's "too nice" than "too asshole-y"

2) It's hard to comment on this, as I've found that it truly is dif'rent strokes for dif'rent folks. Personally, I need someone who has mostly similar interests, although a couple should be different enough that they can learn from each other and not get bored. I've known some couples who don't share a single common interest, and absolutely thrive on that aspect, whereas other couples disintegrate because of it. I really does depend on the two people involved.

3) This shouldn't really be a big issue. The only time I've known snoring to keep a couple from sleeping together, is when they're not really in love anymore (and that's anecdotal, so take it with a grain of salt).

4) There needs to be more clarification here (and, no, I'm not trying to be funny). What is the sex like now? Why is it deemed to be unsatisfactory? What is this hypothetical person expecting from the sex? You must understand that I am answering these questions from a long-term point of view. Early on in a relationship it's really, really easy to pounce on every little foible a person has, and extrapolate doubt from there. But the thing about sex is (and once again I'm speaking long-term), is that sex is pretty much just sex. It's not always exciting, it's not always grandiose. What it should do is act as a reinforcement of the bond a couple has together, and represent an extension of their love for one another. If the sex is unsatisfactory because person A is just not 'feeling it' for person B, and it's been three months, then that's probably not a good sign. If, however, person A is just expecting sparks to fly and fireworks to go off everytime, then they're in for a hard lesson.

5) Yes, this is weird. And just a bad idea all-round (see the answer to # 4).

6) This is a little odd. As long as fluid isn't getting into any parts of the body, then why worry about it?

Anyway, sorry for writing a novel here. Hope it helped. take care.

Dennis! said...

Thanks to all for your insight. While I'm quite against "dating by consensus" I think some objective feedback might be helpful.

Will said...

six is wierd but but not a deal breaker.
Two and three would drive me mad but I'd live with them. Four I could manage if Five were reall nice but number one would make me scream and head for the door.