Las Vegas Observations

Stuff I learned this weekend:

• It takes a lot of effort to walk away when you're ahead, but it's pretty damn important.
• That last thing is probably why I wasn't a terrible success at gambling.
• Okay, I lied. I actually did pretty well at the 2c slots. I did even better at the nickel slots.
• Security frowns upon kissing slot machines that have just paid you a slew of money.
• But it feels damn good just to get a huge slew of money.
• You will never, ever win those progressive jackpots on slot machines.
• Hand payouts are annoying as sin.
• Always check the payout tables on slot machines before you play. Most times even the highest payout just isn't worth the investment it'll take to get there.
• Those slot machines with cool little games attached are lots of fun. I liked "Once Around Monopoly," "Turkey Shoot," and "Hoot Loot," although the last one betrayed me like a crack whore on her wedding night.
• Even though I laughed when I first saw them, those slot machines in the airport gate area can, in fact, kick ass. To the tune of a few hundred smackers.
• Comfortable shoes are essential in a walking city.
• $20 can last you an hour and a half if you bet $5 minimums at a decent blackjack table.
• The above is an even better bonus if it means you can also snag free drinks while you play.
• It's fun reminiscing about your elementary school years with people you haven't seen in 20 years.
• Even though I disagree with 100% of the drivel she was spewing, I do have tremendous respect for the woman holding a large "REPENT YOUR SINS" right outside Caesar's Palace. She's got a right to speak her mind, and doggone it, she sure picked the right place to target sinners for her little message.
• I know prostitution is "legal" there (kinda), but I don't need to have little cards handed to me on the street advertising that girls can be delivered straight to my door. This is especially true when I'm in the company of two attractive women already. (What, do I need to purchase a third?) My friends actually saw one of their little tricks which was to watch a clearly married couple walk by, wait until the woman passes, then reach out behind her back to snag her husband. Classy.
• Oh, and even though I know handing out those cards must be a sucky low-wage job, it's truly sad when women are handing out those cards, further contributing to the objectification of their own sex.
• You get what you pay for: The cheapest hotel on The Strip can look and feel remarkably like a Motel Six (complete with a window that faces straight out to the parking lot) and will be populated by a bizarre mix of white trash and college kids trying their hardest to dress like they're of legal age.
• My friend Elizabeth will never, ever remember my birthday (try as she might). But it was fun anyway.