Wednesday, July 06, 2005

Las Vegas Observations

Stuff I learned this weekend:

• It takes a lot of effort to walk away when you're ahead, but it's pretty damn important.
• That last thing is probably why I wasn't a terrible success at gambling.
• Okay, I lied. I actually did pretty well at the 2c slots. I did even better at the nickel slots.
• Security frowns upon kissing slot machines that have just paid you a slew of money.
• But it feels damn good just to get a huge slew of money.
• You will never, ever win those progressive jackpots on slot machines.
• Hand payouts are annoying as sin.
• Always check the payout tables on slot machines before you play. Most times even the highest payout just isn't worth the investment it'll take to get there.
• Those slot machines with cool little games attached are lots of fun. I liked "Once Around Monopoly," "Turkey Shoot," and "Hoot Loot," although the last one betrayed me like a crack whore on her wedding night.
• Even though I laughed when I first saw them, those slot machines in the airport gate area can, in fact, kick ass. To the tune of a few hundred smackers.
• Comfortable shoes are essential in a walking city.
• $20 can last you an hour and a half if you bet $5 minimums at a decent blackjack table.
• The above is an even better bonus if it means you can also snag free drinks while you play.
• It's fun reminiscing about your elementary school years with people you haven't seen in 20 years.
• Even though I disagree with 100% of the drivel she was spewing, I do have tremendous respect for the woman holding a large "REPENT YOUR SINS" right outside Caesar's Palace. She's got a right to speak her mind, and doggone it, she sure picked the right place to target sinners for her little message.
• I know prostitution is "legal" there (kinda), but I don't need to have little cards handed to me on the street advertising that girls can be delivered straight to my door. This is especially true when I'm in the company of two attractive women already. (What, do I need to purchase a third?) My friends actually saw one of their little tricks which was to watch a clearly married couple walk by, wait until the woman passes, then reach out behind her back to snag her husband. Classy.
• Oh, and even though I know handing out those cards must be a sucky low-wage job, it's truly sad when women are handing out those cards, further contributing to the objectification of their own sex.
• You get what you pay for: The cheapest hotel on The Strip can look and feel remarkably like a Motel Six (complete with a window that faces straight out to the parking lot) and will be populated by a bizarre mix of white trash and college kids trying their hardest to dress like they're of legal age.
• My friend Elizabeth will never, ever remember my birthday (try as she might). But it was fun anyway.


Vince said...

When I was in Vegas I learned that you can turn a quarter into dinner. God bless Vegas.

Jon said...

And how were the buffets? I would bring a bag and stuff it with rolls and jumbo shrimp, maybe some chicken legs. ;)

Steve said...

I've never been, but I know somebody who lived there, and he says it can be a blast. Useless trivia he told me: There are more listings for escort/call services in the phone book that attorneys! Maybe that's why he says it's a blast.

Anonymous said...

Apparently, those people who hand out the cards with the whores on them get paid very well (at least better than you would think). I heard around $15 an hour. Of course, the heat stroke they probably get every day is priceless.

ducklet said...

Completely unrelated, but another blogger i've been visiting of late uses the same icon as you. it always confuses me...

oh, and yeah on the airport slots. just don't start dropping quarters after boarding starts...

Chef Dean said...

"hand payouts are annoying as sin" oh I beg to differ... I BEG to differ. all depends on who's doing the "hand"-ing...

Dennis! said...

Vince: Yeah, you can turn a quarter into dinner... but you take into account the 200 quarters that didn't turn into dinners before that one...

Jon: I only went to one, breakfast before I left. Frankly, for some reason, we were never that hungry come dinner time. Though I did have one meal at Mon Ami Gabi in the Paris which was excellent.

Steve: It's quite the hedonistic glitzy adventure.

Anon: Hmmm... interesting. Whoda thunk.

Brando: I'm having trouble reading that blog b/c the colors are so light! But I do like her duck picture too.

Dean: You are a bad, bad man. :)

MoDigli said...

Sounds like it was a fabulous weekend! ... and happy (belated) birthday to you! :)

anne said...

Dennis!, this is unrelated and everybody has probably been annoying you with this, but I think of you every time they mention the hurricane on the news (well, of you and evil ex-boss, so I'd rather tell you, really...).