Friday, May 06, 2005

Leeeeeet the Sun Shine! Let the Sun Shine In! The Suuuuun Shine In!

I'm having hair issues lately. Not "I hate my hair so much" issues, but I have strange obsessions with my hair.

It started when I noticed the grossest thing ever on (in?) my body: A gray nose hair. Like, ew. That started the obsession. I had to get rid of it. At first I tried to pull it with my fingers, but even though my nostrils are rather sizeable (another ew, by the way) and my nose hair rather overextended (I'm starting to overdo the ew thing), I still couldn't quite get this to work.

Which is when I purchased (drum roll please) -- the tweezers.

These things are great. The grip is excellent. You wouldn't expect such grip from such a simple device. But they work well.

Perhaps too well.

When trying to pluck gray nose hairs, for example, there's no way to accurately aim the tweezers to grab the gray hair and gray hair alone. Yeah. The first few forays into my cavernous nostril resulted not only in the yanking of several strands of perfectly fine black nose hair, but oftentimes it resulted in the yanking of several black nose hairs at a time. Yanking one nose hair: Owwie. Yanking more than one a time: Definite involuntary tear production. Oy.

Finally, I got it. Along with a few black ones, but I finally managed to pull the thing out.

Then I decided it was kind of fun to yank at hairs. So I did it all over my face. After my not-absolutely-great electric shaver leaves some longer-than-I'd-like hairs on my face, out come the tweezers. Yank. Yank. Yank. Those strange wayward hairs on my neck where hairs don't usually grow so where I don't usually shave? Plucked. Those odd, fine little hairs on my upper cheek (closer to my nose than to my sideburns)? Violently ripped from the roots.

I think I'm a little masochistic this way: I kind of enjoy those tiny little sparks of pain. And I get a strange happiness when I see the results of my plucking, especially if the little prominent bulbs, so recently deeply embedded in my epidermis, are still there. Complete with that little semi-transparent sheath that covers them. I get a strange thrill. Yeah, I'm such a dork.

On a somewhat related note (but not really):
How much does ass waxing hurt? How much does it cost? How much maintenance after the fact is required? And most importantly, Should I, or should I not??

More questions:
If I decided not to use a professional, can one of those do-it-yourself wax-at-home kits do the job? Relatively pain-free? And can I use it on the lame tufts of chest hair I have?

13 comments:

Me said...

"How much does ass waxing hurt? How much does it cost? How much maintenance after the fact is required? And most importantly, Should I, or should I not??"

Oh my. I'm about to go to bed, and I can't right now, because I'm laughing hysterically. Personally, I find waxing hurts, but I've never had to wax my ass before. But in general, I hate pain. Tweezers? Ouch. Torture.

kat said...

I have no expertise in ass waxing. Sorry.

But as for the tweezers thing, they are the one item I absolutely cannot live without. I take tweezers with me everywhere. And nothing pisses me off more than tweezers with sucky grip.

p.p. said...

Tweezers are great. I have never had a gray nose hair, but I do sometimes have those ultra-thick black ones -- the ones when you look into your nostrils, they look like a big snake in a cave (not meant to be sexual).

I also pluck the stray hairs between my eyebrows.

I have no experience in any form of waxing, sorry.

Melissa said...

I've never done ass waxing, but I'd imagine that while it would be painful (all waxing is) it'd be tolderable since the skin in that area is a little thicker and tougher than skin in other areas that's waxed (like bikin or underarms).

Waxing is good because the hair grows back a little finer and thinner (not a lot, but somewhat), and because it doesn't grow back uniformly, like shaving, so it's not as gross when it grows back (ie, it's tougher to tell it's growing back and you don't get a 5 o'clock shadow on the area). Waxing is bad because you have to wait until the hair is long enough to do it again, although with your butt, that might be less concern than with other areas where no hair is supposed to show ever, like underarms (for women).

Not sure on cost - you'll probably have to call. It varies on the size of the area and the amount of hair (especially for things like butts and backs, which tend to vary).

On whether you should - that's a tough question. A little hair is probably acceptable for most guys (although this is coming from a straight female). But a lot of hair is a little yucky. But the problem is that it's a lot more expensive, painful, and requires more maintenance to wax a lot of hair.

katie said...

While I have no experience in the art of ass waxing, I am a big fan of waxing in general. I encourage everyone to try it. However, under no circumstances to I encourage home waxing kits. It just won't work as well. Besides, waxing is pretty cheap, the cost factor will be about the same once you buy the stuff.

Dennis! said...

Thanks for the feedback, folks!

And for validating that I'm not complete freak for making overuse of the tweezers. Ah, the joys of the internet.

I'll post a followup if I actually decide to go through with the procedure.

Steve said...

The chick who cuts my hair waxes my eyebrows, so I can't comment on the home wax jobs. And, yea, tweezers are grand, for those completely gross, wild-ass nose hairs. The funny thing is, I didn't realize they did a great job 'all up in there' until recently.

MoDigli said...

This was a great post. Especially since it's coming from a man. Usually it's just us women who can attest to the satisfaction of plucking and getting the WHOLE hair: bulb, sheath, and all.

Who knew plucking hairs had some much in common with potato chips? You can't have just one!

MoDigli said...

PS. An asian man with a hairy ass? Wow. Who knew such a thing existed?

Dennis! said...

Go fig, huh? :)

ericorbit said...

tweezing is addictive. each of my eyebrows gets like 4 or 5 really thick, loooong hairs that gross me the fuck out. every week or so i gotta pluck those fuckers out. i have no idea why only a few hairs on each brow would get longer than all the others. it's one of life's mysteries. thank god i don't have a unibrow.

i have no idea what to tell you about the ass-waxing. that seems rather excessive, unless you have a really hairy ass. i certainly would not suggest shaving it with a straight razor, as you'd probably be itching for days afterwards and i can't imagine that would look for feel very attractive. do you have electric clippers? maybe carefully and gently shave the asshair that way?

you must keep us posted.

ThatGuy said...

The benefits of having a professional wax far outweigh whatever small savings you may get from doing it at home. I am one of those unfortunate men who doesn't have that thick carpet of chest hair - just enough to be annoying. My stomach, however, is much thicker—So I get my chest and stomach waxed for $50, which is the same cost for a back (Thank God, I don't have back hair —not that there's anything wrong with that).

If you don't like the fuzz on your ass - by all means, get a wax. It should be chaeper than a chest/back. As for the pain - I obviously have a high threshold for pain - in that I recently sat through a 2.5 hour tattooing session with barely a wince. I don't find my chest/stomach waxing to be painful - just annoying after while - but my wax guy says I'm a freak. ; -)

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