Asian Blondes Look Funny

... but when Asians act blonde, it's hilarious.

Copies (per page) at the D.C. Superior Court: fifty cents.
One fruit smoothie at the Firehook outside D.C. Superior Court: $3.96.
Having an entire coffee shop full of people laugh at you because you're an idiot: Priceless.

There are some things money can't buy.

I stopped into the Firehook on the way back from the courthouse this afternoon because I was in desperate need of a beverage. I decided I didn't want a Coke from the hot dog vendors, so I stopped into the Firehook, hoping for something cold.

Which is when Blonde Moment #1 hit.

I walked in and immediately looked up, in search of what I expected to be a menu from which I'd be able to pick my beverage of choice. I saw none.

I looked around to the other walls of the store. Seeing as they were mostly plate glass providing a view of the street, they did nothing to assist me in determining what I wanted to drink. I backed up and looked down a hallway in the store, thinking how retarded it would have been to hide their menu in such an out-of-the-way location. Still nothing. Panic started to set in as I wondered how completely out of it I must have been to not be able to locate a frigging menu! And how embarassing would it be when someone finally said to me, "Dude, your choices are right here in front of your face!" (Things can hide in plain sight for me. Case in point.)

Finally, the inevitable: The guy behind the counter asks what he can do for me. (He has a big ALEXIS tattoo up his forearm. It's not as sexy as it could have been.) "Uh," I reply meekly, "I'm looking for a menu, for starters...."

"We had to take it down, price changes," he explains. Whew! I'm not completely crazy!

"Oh, good," I tell him. "Uh, I just kinda want a fruit smoothie. What flavors do you have?" He starts rattling them off, with their ingredients and everything, and I'm pretty impressed with his ability. When he's done, I tell him I'd like the raspberry creme smoothie.

He asks me something slightly incoherent, something to the effect of did I want to add a particular something to my drink.

And this is where we hit Blond Moment #2.

I couldn't possibly have heard that right, I'm thinking. I should just ask what he said.

But instead of just asking him to repeat himself, I, like a fool, tell him what I thought I heard him say: "Excuse me? Did you just ask me if I wanted to add onions to my smoothie?" Yes, I'm flabbergasted and a little weirded out. Who the fuck puts onions in a fruit smoothie?

Both the guy waiting for his drink and the guy behind the counter burst out laughing at me. "Uh, he said 'honey,'" Customer Guy explains. Counter Guy tells me something or another about how the berries aren't all that sweet or something, so some people like to add an extra punch of honey. By this time, though, I'm laughing my own ass off. Onions!

I finally get my smoothie. Having paid for it, I take my drink, thank the barista, and add, "And thanks for not adding any onions to it."

I suppose Blond Moment #3 could be how I couldn't for the life of me finish the Sudoku today, even though it's a frigging EASY one.