Monday, October 03, 2005


I have decided that I simply don't "get" Desperate Housewives. I know it's not meant to truly reflect a slice of reality, but come on.

Let's start with the new Alfre Woodard character -- you know, the one with, oh, a man chained up in her basement. First of all, recall that when she moved in, Edie (her real estate agent) mentioned that she had purchased the house "sight unseen" and that they hadn't even done the customary walk-through. I'm curious, how then did she know that, conveniently enough, there's a dungeon beneath the house?

And then there's the dysfunction that is Edie and Susan. The two of them appear to live to goad each other. Edie deliberately comes over to Susan for the express purpose of rubbing her relationship with Susan's ex-husband into her face. Failing to get a reaction, Edie keeps upping the ante. When she finally manages to push Susan's buttons, she accidentally gets run over. Smart move all around, ladies. You guys are, what, 12?

I know gay men will exhale inhale [thanks, Matt] a collective gasp when I say this, but Bree is fucking psycho and needs to be locked up or subjected to heavy, heavy medication. I had already started hating her when, near the end of last season, she calmly made the bed while Rex was on the stairs suffering from a heart attack. That of itself isn't too terribly outrageous for a television show, but she did it in front of her kids, who were clearly terrified of losing their father. And that whole incident with the tie at the funeral? Man, woman needs needs to get a GRIP. Yeah, that bitch is whack.

Gabrielle Solis fares no better. She's a money-grubbing self-centered egotistical slut. Yeah, Eva Longoria is gorgeous, but her character is so wildly amoral it drives me crazy. (Go fig that Republican women everywhere love this show in all its Girls Behaving Badly dressed up in its Sunday best.) Her affair with lawn boy was remarkably selfish (she was lying to husband and leading the poor kid on) -- although, hell, seeing Jesse Metcalfe shirtless made the whole plot line worthwhile. Now she's just bandying for money. Good Lord woman, grow some principles!

And finally, there's the Scavos. I know I'll catch shit for this too, but no one in that family knew how to raise kids. Those kids were terrors. And wading into a pool in your funeral best is not the way to tame them. Just sighing and letting them scream and bang things around and turn the radio all the way up does not teach them to respect their parents who are supposed to keep them in line. Yes, she did a better job than her stupid (though hunky) husband is doing now, but sheesh.

Okay, I think I'm done now.

(I could go through a very similar analysis of the vapid self-centered characters in Entourage, a show which I really really really wanted to like (because I absolutely adore Jeremy Piven), but I think I'll pass for now.)


MoDigli said...

Amen, Dennis!
I had stopped watching this show toward the end of the season last year. Then, last night, I thought to tune again. I was so lost on the Alfre Woodard character; but the drama between Edie and Susan was so pathetic I finally had to turn the channel. I can't take it anymore. Blah! I have officially quit watching that show!

Steve said...

(Shhh.) I've never watched that show, but now, after your review, I think I'm gonna.

Chef Dean said...

I've seen two episodes - I don't get it AT ALL. Then again my brain isn't too terribly twisted (in my opinion).. and I really can't stand a show that's narrated.

Jon said...

I've only seen one episode last season- not as trashy as it was made out to be, but not entertaining, either. I remember thinking 'people make a big deal out of this?'

Vince said...

I hear ya.

I was a die hard fan last season, but now find myself with no compelling reason to come back. For me, the lack of intruiging storytelling is the problem. The one big story was wrapped up neatly in the season finale, leaving me with no reason to watch.

And don't even get me started on how every other subplot is dropped after two episodes.

Yeah, I'm not longer desperate for the housewives.


anne said...

Oh I love Jeremy Piven...
More to the point, though, one of my friends in Edinburgh was saying the exact same thing to me one day, after commenting on the fact that funnily enough, every woman wanted to be one desperate housewife - funny, as they're all mad.
Except Susan. I kinda like Susan. But then, I've only ever seen the first three episodes, and didn't really get hooked.

purpletwinkie said...

Woohoo Dennis!

I stopped watching it mid-first season. I couldn't stand the Gabrielle character...and others, but mostly Gabrielle.

Matthew said...

"I know gay men will exhale a collective gasp when I say this..."

Actually, gasps are inhaled, not exhaled. Sorry to be picky.

Last year was odd for me, because I've virtually abandoned network television, and therefore wondered what all the fuss was about concerning "Lost" and "Desperate Housewives."

This year, I decided to watch each show for the first time, catching both their season premieres. It was readily apparent what made "Lost" so appealing, but I'll admit to being stupefied over what the commotion regarding "DH" is all about. Yes, the concept of Alfre Woodard's character keeping a dude chained-up in her basement is intriguing, but nothing about it (or the rest of the episode) was executed pulled me in.

I'm a new fan of "Lost." Can't say the same about "Desperate Housewives."

Matthew said...

btw, Dennis!

Jeremy Piven? Really?


Dennis! said...

Well I'm glad I'm not the only one for the honeymoon with DH has already ended. (I'm still glad I haven't gotten myself hooked on Lost though.)

I think Jeremy Piven is cute and sexy at the same time. I think I first really noticed him in Serendipity (sappy chick flick supreme), but I'm confident I noticed him at least in the back of my mind during the first few seasons of Ellen. He's definitely a keeper, and totally underrated as an actor.

wjzghzt: I have to frigging word verify on my own blog. LOL.