I Need a Life

I stole this meme from Sam who stole it from Travis who stole it from Matt.

Instructions: Visit Google.com, put your first name and the word "needs" in quotations (e.g., "Dennis needs") (I had to take out the exclamation point for this exercise -- grrr) in the search box, and then click the Google Search button. Write down the top 10 results.

1. Dennis needs to stamp it out.

I'd offer to "stamp it out," but I don't know what that means.

2. Dennis needs our help.

I am always in dire need of help. Anything you can give me, though money -- and lots of it -- would be GREAT.

3. Dennis needs to be first and best.

Not really.

4. Dennis needs a win tonight!!!!

Dennis! is in deperate need of a win any night. And I don't mean at some board game. Nudge nudge, wink wink.

5. Dennis needs to curse. [Apparently, "it's a habit for him."]

I deny this. I ain't no fucking potty-mouthed sailor type.

6. Dennis needs lots of verbal prompts and reminders. Also, Dennis needs to sit close to the teacher away from distraction.

Okay, I'll give you the first one. But sitting next to the teacher could prove to be a bigger distraction, if the teacher is some hot, sexy man with just the right combination of cologne/deodorant/aftershave and manly sweaty scents.

7. Dennis needs an income, what with a family to support.

Naw, what Dennis! needs is a bigger income, to support the lavish lifestyle to which he has become accustomed. It's not cheap being single and gay while attempting fabulousness.

8. Dennis needs something new, something daring.

Amen, sistah!

9. "Dennis needs to ask older Lorma men about a prominent Zoe named Faugbala who was a Mandingo man and the many paramount chiefs who ruled what is now ..."

Zzzzzz. Zrb-zz-zpth... Wha?

10. Dennis needs to be downgraded to a Cat. 1.

In truth, Dennis! -- and this blog in particular -- is nothing more than a compilation of tales told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.