Tuesday, December 07, 2004

Our God-Like Opposing Counsel

Still more funny from my office-mates.

Some background information:

1. This office is very small. Frankly, most of the non-lawyer staff doesn't have great professional qualifications. They can do stuff, but have never been trained. Also, although we all have at least college degrees... let's just say not all college degrees are created equal.

2. My boss, who is fairly computer-non-functional, can't really type up work product on his own. Most of his work product makes it to paper the old-fashioned way: He dictates onto a tape, and the tape is then transcribed by a secretarial-type person.

3. My boss often dictates tiny little memos regarding the progress of cases so that there's a paper trail regarding the last contact he makes with opposing counsel, and the substance of those conversations.

4. The secretarial-type person who transcribes my boss's tapes -- T., oh she of the infamous endless-telephone-loop incident -- can make some really silly mistakes when transcribing.

Today, as I was reviewing a file, I noticed the following comment in a memo by my boss:

I explained to counsel that we have a window of opportunity that the client was prepared to resolve her claims if it can be done by August 31. [Counsel] wanted reciprocal terms in the settlement agreement relating to liquidated damages and deification.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, opposing counsel wanted both our client and theirs to be elevated to the ranks of the gods in order to settle this case.

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