Sunday, December 12, 2004

My Pet Peeves (Installment I)

I have a huge set of pet peeves. Frankly, the fact that I have these peeves annoys me too, because I wish I weren't so easily peeved. But I am.

Today's peeves:

1. People on the Metro escalators who disobey the "stand the right; walk on the left" rule.

2. For that matter, people on the Metro who laze across more than one seat, or put their feet up on the seat in front of them, even though others could want the seat. I'm generally not opposed to this if there are other seats the standing passengers could take. Once, on a shuttle bus from the airport back to the city, some kid's luggage took the seat next to him while the rest of us were crowded into the aisles. I spent the entire 20-minute ride into town annoyed by him.

3. People on the bus who insist on ringing the "stop requested" bell immediately after the bus pulls away from the stop before, so much so that their hand is already hovering by the cord even when the passengers are getting on at the aforementioned previous stop.

4. People who hit elevator buttons that are already lit. In the opening elevator sequence of Speed, someone comments: "Glad you hit that button there. It was already lit, but you never know; it may be broken." Amen!

5. By the same token, people who hit the "close door" button reflexively when the enter an elevator. As if they can't wait the, what, two seconds between their arrival and the closing of the doors.

6. People who ride the elevator less than two flights. Of course, this only applies if they're able-bodied and the stairs aren't, for some retarded reason, locked or otherwise inaccessible.

7. Drivers who don't do a courtesy wave if you allow them ahead of you in traffic.

8. Drivers who honk incessantly in stuck traffic. You know what? Your honking doesn't do squat to get traffic moving. Let it go. Wait.

9. Cab drivers who refuse to take single fares.

10. Cab drivers who have insufficient change for a $20, at any point in their shift.

11. That stupid scene in any movie involving a hostage situation where the bad guy points a gun to someone's head and says, "Tell me what I want to know," and when the hostage professes not to know what the bad guy means, the bad guy just clicks the gun. First, it's cliched. Second, it's stupid. If the guy really doesn't know anything, further threats won't help. Moreover, killing a guy who's not going to give up information just solidifies that he will never give you that information. Same peeve applies to when a bad guy points the gun at a loved one's head to pressure the good guy to do something the good guy is uniquely capable of doing.

12. Telemarketers.

13. Anyone who gets my name wrong. Is it so hard to distinguish between "Dennis" and "Denise," especially when the context makes my sex infuriatingly obvious?

14. People with caller ID who, for whatever reason, pick up the phone and say "Hi Dennis." I don't actually know why this bothers me to the extent it does, but it does. Actually I disagree with Miss Manners on this point; I believe she doesn't find this to be rude.

15. People who still are unable to get down certain grammar/punctuation rules: its/it's; your/you're; to/too. Also people who use "apostrophe-s" to denote the plural of regular words, like "the dog's are back." I also am not a fan of the rampant deliberate misspellings so popular on the internet nowadays. Also, the improper use of "I" where "me" is correct, like "Thank you for talking to Jon and I this week" or "Between you and I, he's an idiot." (Though I'll forgive "He's taller than me" because even though it technically should be "He's taller than I," that just sounds goofy.)

My list is much longer than this. I'm sure there will be further installments to come.


Melissa said...

7. Drivers who don't do a courtesy wave if you allow them ahead of you in traffic.
-Amen! At leat acknowledge my kindness, dumbass.

melyssa said...

no 7 drives me crazy too. i'm like hey i'm being nice ... be nice back!

Jon said...

You forgot to mention assholes who feel the need to shout on their cell phones, especially in stores or restaurants. That makes me sooooo f-ing mad.

Oh, I linked you, just so you know :)

Another pet peeve of mine are gay men with small dogs (apologizing if you own one), but they look silly. More like a rat on a leash than a dog, of you ask me.

Anonymous said...

Ooooh, I know you're going to add "annoying blog visitors who comment and contradict everything I say" to your list after reading this. LOL But, here goes anyway--
1)Push the fuckers down the stairs, I say.
2)Sit on their stuff (ie--legs, luggage, etc) That always works for me on the bus. They tend to move their crap real fast.
3)I'm guilty of the "ringing the stop bell" immediately after leaving the previous stop...because I often forget to ring it at all and am constantly missing my stop. Doh!
4)Love this one! Sometimes don't you wanna smack 'em in the back of the head with a rolled up newspaper?
5)I always frantically push the "close door" button, as I hate feeling as if I'm "on stage" standing in an elevator with everyone looking at the guy all by himself in the elevator.
6)Nothing to add.
7)Yeah, where the hell are their road manners, bastards?
8)Drivers like this are why there's a ten-day waiting period for small handguns and other weapons of mass destruction.
9)Never hoid of a driver not accepting a paid fare. Huh.
10)Ditto goes for delivery drivers who accept payment (ie--food delivery) What, they think I'm going to tip them more? Ha! I tell them it's all I have and that they'll have to come back when they DO have change.
11)I write screenplays, and though trite and cliched, there's actually a reason why so many films utilize this tactic...too lengthy to go into here. But I would add to that the "lost animal" (a la "Alien") that puts someone in jeopardy.
12)No kidding. Who would want that job?
13)Add to that those who shorten names automatically. My name is not Chris, though I would accept Christ if it wouldn't get me struck by lightning...or crucified.
14)I do this. LOL And I even KNOW it's annoying when I do it, yet I can't help myself!
15)You simply MUST read Lynne Truss's "Eats, Shoots and Leaves." It's a wonderful and humorous look at the decline of grammar and punctuation in the english language.


Dennis! said...

Just to clarify on No. 9:

Cab drivers here in DC are paid by zones, not by time in the car. They are also allowed to pick up two people from one place, drop them off at different locations, and charge them each full fare, despite the overlap in the driving distance. (If they're not allowed, well, they seem to do it all the time anyway.) Also, each additional passenger to the same location costs a little extra.

It's happened to me many times now where I flag a cab for a friend with the intention of getting him/her into the cab then walking myself home. The cab driver then either speeds off (refusing to take my friend without me) or sits there and waits for additional fares. I find that rude.