Monday, March 15, 2004

Disordered States

I think I have ADD. I'm far too old for this.

I've just recently come to this conclusion, and it bugs the crap out of me. I hate it. I hate the thought that I might have a "disease" that's usually prevalent in grade-schoolers and adolescents. I hate the thought that I might find myself medicating myself into a proper state of mind when what I really could use to get my head focused better my just a swift kick in the ass. After all, that's what they did to us kids when I was growing up. No mollycoddling "let's just give you a few pills and you'll be all better" mentality. No. We got, "shut the hell up, listen to the teacher, and do your homework if you don't want to suffer some form of punishment."

But now, my faith in the "suck it up and just do it" mantra could be waning. Because I'm realizing that I am simply unable to concentrate, and I may just want to blame it on some sort of physical disorder so I can escape responsibility for it. Didn't get my work done today? I couldn't concentrate on the assignment. Had to surf the web instead. It was more fun. Didn't get the laundry done this evening? Couldn't help it. There was a string of really really addictive TV shows on, and I kept surfing between five of them when the commercials hit.

Q: How many ADD kids does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Wanna go ride bikes?

I guess I should see a doctor. But I still hate this.

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