Yeah Baby, Just Like That

I got an email from another online personals site telling me about people who are "eager to meet me." Of course, these guys haven't actually seen my profile or made any overtures to get in touch with me. I have no idea how this particular site reached the conclusion that these people are "eager" to meet me. I think it's just some strange presumption on their part.

One profile among them caught my eye.

The headline: "interested in receiving FREE head to toe full body massage by masculine, in shape guy."

Seriously, what the hell kind of personals ad is that? What incentive does anyone have to answer that kind of ad? I really expect his narrative to say something like "I am too cheap to pay for a professional to help me relax. I expect that you will be so grateful for the opportunity to make me feel more relaxed that you will jump to this opportunity. Despite the fact that I'm being cheap, I'm also picky, and I insist that the guy whom I permit to touch my body be 'masculine and in shape,' not some fatty; if I'm going to call the shots here, I may as well insist on a hot guy. I am not promising that you will get anything out of this except the joy of working the tension out of every inch of my body. After you're done, I'll probably be really relaxed, but I'll still manage to muster up the strength to kick your ass out the door before I lie back and fall asleep."

Oooh baby, sign me up!