Funniest. Porn moment. Ever.

Okay, I had to share this. What better way to share than with a bunch of strangers? Not that porn films -- gay or straight -- are the bastion of highbrow dialog and plot development, but it's just so much more amusing when they seem to try to develop some semblance of a plot -- and fail miserably.

Despite the fact that the subject matter of this post is very explicit, I'm going to try to clean up the language a bit -- if only because the post becomes so much funnier as a result.

** DISCLAIMER: If you are offended by hard-core pornography, PLEASE stop reading now. If you are offended by gay sex acts, just stop reading this blog anyway. **

I'm just going to skip over the whole question of how I came to be watching a gay porn video to begin with, because that would just be too weird. I mean, seriously.

The movie begins as such movies usually do: light "plot" development followed by a random reason for two guys to get it on. We watch the first sex scene to (er...) "conclusion," and the scene fades to black.

The second scene starts up. What usually happens at this point is further light "plot" development, followed by still more hard-core homo-sex. But the intro to Scene II is priceless.

The scene starts -- starts! -- with a close-up of, well, a young man's hindquarter privates. And I don't just mean the hindquarter privates that are visible on every man wearing a thong on Miami Beach. I mean you can see the endpoint of this guy's digestive system.

And there's a set of fingers playing around near there.

The view then expands to a full-screen shot, where we get a more full idea of exactly what's happening here. Buttboy is (obviously) bottomless and sitting on the couch with one leg over the couch's back, exposing his poop chute. A "friend" of his is sitting next time him, playing with his, er, back door.

Some very, very brief dialog ensues:

"Pretty satisfied, Gordon?" Buttboy asks.

"It's fuckin' gorgeous," Friend says. "Are you going to let me [perform obscene acts of homosexual sex with] it?"

Buttboy's face contorts to absolute horror at this suggestion, and he pulls his legs back together with alarming alacrity. "No!" he declares. "No, I'm not going to let you [perform obscene acts of homosexual sex with] it!" (He is still bottomless as he utters this.)

He continues, "We're friends, and that would complicate our friendship!"

I gotta tell ya, if you're going to draw a line to describe where something would adversely complicate your friendship, my personal opinion is that letting your friend digitally explore your rectal area would be well past that line.

But maybe I'm just a prude.