Conversation Snippets

Two related, one not:

Conversation #1: Between me and Elizabeth, about a party we attended which was primarily attended by gay men.

Me: By the way, speaking of, Jim thought we were "together."
Elizabeth: ... But you're gay.
Me: Yeah, I really don't think you need to remind me of that.

Conversation #2: Between me and the aforementioned Jim.

Me: By the way, Elizabeth found it terribly amusing that you thought we were "together."
Jim: But I couldn't tell! Like there were times you had your arm around her....
Me: As I recall, the first thing I said to you all night was, "I'm trying to decide if that mirror makes me look fat."

Conversation #3: Okay, it's not really a conversation.

Scene: I'm at a 7-11 at 1:00 a.m. Having been at a party, I'm strangely craving a hot dog. I've paid for it and have just finished putting some condiments on it when I walk by the cashier again, who by this point has some obviously drunk gay men in line.

Drunk Gay Man [upon seeing my hot dog; talking to his friend but probably unaware the he was talking loud enough for me to hear]: See, I would never put that kind of shit into my body.
[7-11 clerk puts a pack of cigarettes in front of D.G.M.]
Me: ... says the guy who has clearly just filled up on the empty calories of alcohol, and has just purchased the most addictive carcinogen legally available in the United States.