Monday, March 13, 2006

But It's Time to Face the Truth. I Will Never Be With You.

I have this horrible habit of developing insta-crushes on guys who are taken or otherwise way out of my league. After a brief interaction, I will decide, "Wow, he's nice and smart and funny and cute." Then I start developing one of those silly little schoolgirl crushes, which in the end only sucks like all hell.

I met this one guy at a volunteer event close to a year ago. Despite the fact that I had only ever seen him a few times after that event, I never really forgot him. I didn't obsess over him and he didn't pop into my head daily, but when he showed up at sporadic events, I would remember that he was the guy with the cool cuff links. Heck, I even posted a Craigslist "Missed Connection" on him, despite the fact that I managed to snag his full name off of a form he was filling out near me.

I'm a terribly shy person in real life, but hot dang if I didn't start flirting with this guy from the very beginning. That says something, when even I start flirting. It started with talking about his cuff links. Then it was mild sexual innuendos. At one point I even made a joke to him that went something like: "It's kinda like the 'my side of the bed vs. your side of the bed' dispute. We can have that discussion later." And I winked. I freakin' winked.

I saw him again this weekend at an event we were both volunteering for. Our shift ended before the event did, so we decided to go get some alcohol. I grabbed him and one other volunteer (to lighten the pressure) and the three of us hit Halo.

Of course, in due time (I'm very patient at extracting this kind of information), I came to find out that this guy's had a boyfriend for something like over 10 years now. They met when he was freaking 18. Part of me is jealous just because they've been happy together for so long; another part of me is jealous of his boyfriend.

But if my stupid tendency to fall into mad crush-world at the drop of a hat has taught me anything at all, it has taught me how to come to expect this kind of disappointment. A lot of the best guys in this city are taken.

And I've learned to hide my disappointment well, not missing a beat and timing my response perfectly to the "I'm taken" hint-drop. I kick ass at not letting on that I would ever have been interested at all in something more than friendship.

So now I'm working on the third guy who came out with us that night. My bigger fear with him is that he kind of reminds me of my best friend's ex.


Kirkkitsch said...

Don't be jealous that he's been with some guy he met when he was 18. Just think of all the great guys he missed out on (i.e. you) while he stayed in that some safe, comfortable cocoon he calls a relationship. Personally, I always think it's kinda sad when people pair up in school, then stay together because they don't know anything else. It's like deciding you love chocolate ice cream in 8th grade and never trying any of the other flavors. I used to be friends with a couple who were each other's first boyfriend/girlfriend/fuck, and they got married shortly after. I can already predict their not so faraway future "fix-all" pregnancy that will undoubtedly happen.

So, don't be discouraged. If it's meant to be it will happen. :)

Dop said...

Dennis, I disagree. Having lived in DC myself, I dated many great single men. And even when I was involved with someone, I still met alot of single guys. All the good ones are not taken, it just seems that way. And sadly, some of the good ones prefer to stay single. So don't give up the fight ... or the search.

Dennis! said...

Kirk: It's not. :)

Dop: Clearly you haven't yet become privy to my massive dating and self-esteem issues. :)

Vince said...

God. Are you me? I think you are. Which reminds me - I so have a blogger crush on you.


Anonymous said...

Dennis, don't be a DC gay stereotype! Dating and self-esteem issues? You're better than that! -Anonymous reader

NotCarrie said...

I love the flirt style though! Innuendos are the best.

Dennis! said...

Vince: That is so sweet! I was looking forward to meeting you when you came to DC, but then you revealed that that post was a joke. Hahaha.

Anon: Also sweet of you to say, thanks. Although I should say I don't think self-esteem issues is a DC gay stereotype. Unfortunately, I think some gay men in DC have just a tad too friggin' MUCH self-esteem, if you know what I mean.

NotCarrie: Fun when actually executed. I can only execute them in certain environments where I'm pretty sure I won't get cold-cocked across the right cheekbone... including some gay bars. Ha!

Will said...

Self-esteem issues be damned, I hope I get to meet you when we move back to DC this summer. You've always struck me as a very interesting person.

Matthew said...

"At one point I even made a joke to him that went something like: "It's kinda like the 'my side of the bed vs. your side the bed' dispute. We can have that discussion later." And I winked. I freakin' winked."

You didn't. Oh, please, tell me you didn't. Doh!

You shouldn't be too jealous, Dennis. While it's definitely great to be in a good relationship, and a lot of awesome things come with it, it doesn't come without a lot of work. A lot of work. And it doesn't magically solve all your problems. The rent (or mortgage) is still due. Work still sucks. Health problems happen. There's a lot of compromising. Parents, family and friends still have issues, and people you love still pass away. In other words, life goes on.

If you love the person, it's worth all the work, but understand that to be jealous of a long-term relationship is to not fully understand what it actually is.

Take care. :-)

Dennis! said...

Will: I look forward to it.

Matt: There will come a time. But as my previous posts have indicated (too lazy to link now), I'm in no hurry. Despite the insta-crushes, I am still pretty happy with myself.