Fit to be Tied

I hate to admit it, but I'm kind of addicted to "Celebrity Fit Club" on VH1. It's one of the stupidest shows I've seen in ages, but whenever I surf around VH1 and it's on (which is surprisingly frequently), I end up stopping and watching it.

In a nutshell, "Fit Club" grabs eight "celebrities" -- we do use that term loosely -- who are overweight and tries to whip them into shape. Some of these people don't look fat per se, but I guess they could stand to lose some weight. Only one or two of them look so obese that it's unhealthy. Others just look pleasantly large. But I digress.

I'd say it's a good show... but it's not really. Anyway, it's more fun to bitch.

. Ant. He's the "host" of this show. He's an alumnus of two seasons of "Last Comic Standing" and, quite frankly, he's insanely annoying. He reminds of the character "Anthony" from "Sex and the City" -- Charlotte's wedding planner. Yes, they're both annoying. He wasn't funny on "Comic," and he's not funny now. And there's some substantial irony to be found in the fact that Ant himself ain't all that skinny himself. Perhaps he should be taking part in the Fit Club events.

. Ralphie May. Speaking of "Last Comic Standing," Ralphie was the runner-up on the first season. He wasn't funny then. I'm so happy Dat Phan won. Ralphie's jokes were just all about "I'm a big fat guy, what do you want?" After a while it got boring. But I have to give Ralphie credit for his "Fit Club" appearance. He's one of the "clearly obese" people I mentioned above. And yet he in fact seems determined to lose some weight. And he's making a point of saying that he's doing it to serve as an example to others out there. He "ran" for about a mile in one episode, and he commented "There are guys out there who weigh less than me who don't think they can run a mile. I hope I'm showing them that if I can do it, they can." That's pretty cool.

. Judge Mablean. Uh... who? Apparently, she's the judge on "Divorce Court." Yeah. She's annoying because she's such a bitch. Everyone hates her. Because she's not just outspoken and opinionated, but she's outspoken, opinionated, and abrasive. And that's annoying. Apparently this week someone tries to tell her how annoying she is, and she responds, "Unfortunately most of America don't like a strong black woman." Okay, bitch, it's not about you being a strong black woman. It's about you being a ruthless PERSON. Believe me, if you were a white man who talked the same way you do, you'd still be annoying as sin.

. Wendy Kaufman. Apparently, the Snapple chick. She's funny and all, but a little over the top. She still manages to keep a decent disposition, though, so hey.

. Mia Tyler. "Plus" size model. Why would a woman whose career is based on being a large woman go on a show about losing weight? She's also got a big time 'TUDE. Others would love the fact that she snapped at the "panel" that tells them what to do... I didn't find that fun at all.

. Kim Coles. From "Living Single." Personally, I think she's a fine woman, extra pounds and all, but what do I know? At least she laughs and stuff. Laughter is key.

... okay, and I don't care about the other "celebrities."

More important than the "celebrities," though, is the panel of hosts, who direct the weight loss regimens of these stars. Just a quick shout-out: Am I crazy when I say that I think Dr. Katz is hot? Like, yow. Too bad he never seems to have a reason to take his shirt off.

Okay, this post was lame. But I can't sleep. But I'll go try now.