Monday, September 29, 2008

Tipping in a Foreign Country: The U.S.

I ordered takeout from my favorite neighborhood restaurant tonight. As I stood next to cash register to receive and pay for my food, I noticed something going on before my eyes.

First, I noticed a family of four -- two kids and two adults -- get up and get ready to leave.

As the family started to leave (you know this sometimes takes some time), one of the waiters came to register with cash in his hand, presumably from someone having paid his bill. He kept counting through the bills (I counted maybe $70), as if somewhat distressed.

Eventually, another waiter says to the alpha male of the departing family, "Was everything okay? Did we do something wrong?"

Uh-oh, I thought.

"No, everything was fine," the guy responded.

"Well, I was just asking because you didn't leave any tip," the waiter continues.

Just for the record here, I don't really condone waiters doing this. Whether by oversight or by deliberate omission, sometimes people don't leave tips. I'm not a fan of waiters shaking down their patrons for their lack of tipping skills. It's rude and a bit tacky.

Anyway, the guy didn't understand what was meant by this. "Customarily," the waiter explained, "Diners add an extra 15% to for their waiters here."

"We're from New Zealand," the diner explained. But he didn't reach for his pocket, that's for sure.

"What's wrong?" his wife asked, coming back to the scene while the two kids lingered near the front of the restaurant.

"Nothing," the husband said, firmly.

I wasn't looking, but I'm reasonably confident that the waiter -- whose English skills weren't the best, by the way (I clarified his sentences for him in this entry) -- gave up explaining the concept and waved him off, probably dismissively, in a "whatever, just go already" kind of way.

Then they left.

I couldn't help thinking that any reasonable guide book published by any decent New Zealand company would have described the tipping etiquette in this country. And I couldn't help thinking that when Americans go abroad without bothering to learn the accepted social customs in the destination country, they get slammed with the "Ugly American" label pretty damn quick. Yet here it was, a Kiwi couple who apparently not only didn't bother to learn tipping etiquette for American restaurants, but they didn't even seem open to the thought of learning it when they were confronted with it.

It also led me to wonder how many other servicepeople they've stiffed so far, and how many they will stiff in the near future. I presume they're not cooking during their stay here, so each meal will likely entail a waitstaff who, it seems, are not getting tipped. If they're staying in a hotel, they probably won't leave a little something for the cleaning staff, whether it be on a daily basis or at the end of their entire stay. What if they catch a cab anywhere?

Of course, it's all just a part of the culture here. I couldn't help scripting out in my mind what kind of conversation I would have had with this couple had the opportunity for a civil discourse on the matter arisen. I suppose I would have explained to them the notion here in the States that, just as a matter of course, diners leave more money than covers their bill on the table. "It's a gratuity for the waitstaff and others who make your dining experience enjoyable," I'd say.

Then I can imagine them coming back: "But isn't that built into the price on the menu? They charge $12 for a meal when I could buy the ingredients for $5. That extra is what should be going towards the waitstaff and others 'who make the dining experience more enjoyable.'"

And to that, I suppose my only response would have to just be, "Well, that's what we do around here."

As it is, I know I already have one friend who doesn't tip cleaning people in hotels just on general principle. Like the theoretical Kiwi response above, his philosophy is that you don't pay over $100-200 per night to stay in a room then pay extra for something like cleaning service, which, ahem, is expected when you stay in a hotel. I just tip because it's customary anyway, but yes, sometimes I do wonder where all that money goes if they at those rates they still can't afford to pay their staff decent salaries or wages.

Anyway, it's a little refreshing -- though not in a good way, I guess -- to know that sometimes, the "Ugly American" myth is just as easily transportable to other foreigners visiting our soil.


p.p. said...

My uncle and his family live in Australia. He was shocked when he came here to see that Americans tip. Cultural thing, I guess. But, he does tip. So, that's annoying that even after being told about the practice of tipping that the NZ guy left.

I believe in the "when in Rome..." philosophy.

Anonymous said...

Tipping: It is my "custom" to always tip 'good & bad' service accordingly. Maybe too much when good, and not enough when bad.

I have a major gripe...I deliver 'lost' luggage from the airlines. It is my vehicle, my gas and my time. I lug their, often heavy, bags around and try to deliver in a timely manner. There are those who truly appreciate receiving their property back and show it, not only by words, but by a 'tip.'

I assure you, we don't get paid great amounts of $ via the airlines...they can be extremely cheap when the shoe is on their left foot.

If you are snuggled down in your hotel room, and the porter brings your bags to your room, don't you give him a tip?!...then why, would you not feel it proper to tip the poor slob who has had to load/unload your luggage; drive it, often many miles; lug it up to your door, and leave without a tip. What a rotten shame!...hey, the porter just had to carry it up on a cart, up the Talk about tipping!!!!

My two cents worth.

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Anonymous said...

I'm from New Zealand, and I have to say I'm somewhat ashamed by this story. I've visited the US several times, and we made sure that we tipped, because that's the custom. Often, in taxi's for instance, the driver would learn we were foreigners, and so would not expect a tip, even trying to decline it when we offered, but we made sure we did it anyway., much to the drivers' delight. Maybe we didn't always get out tipping right, but we did make an effort.

However, in the defence of this guy, non-tipping is such a habit in New Zealand. At my workplaces so far, it's been in my contract that we have to refuse tips, or pass them on to the manager if the customer insists. Often, at restaurants, the staff also refuse tips, or put them in a charity box.

Also, however, some people, regardless of their nationality, are just plain arseholes.

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Bryan said...

So the guy is not totally to blame here..He was eliterate to american customs. So maybe since he was from new zealand, maybe he thought americans impose some type of state taxes on they're food or maybe he was confusd and thought the guy was trying to get over on him as america is one of the few countries that impose tipping as part of they're workers salary. One of my closest friend who is a waiter only gets $4 an hr. Plus tips. When she told me this, I laughed because I thought she was joking and then my laugh turned to an outraged cry for her. In Europe, waiters get minimum wage to a full salary plus tips. In tokyo japan, it is distasteful and insulting to tip. They believe in taking handouts, and any money received should be earned.

Bryan said...

In tokyo japan, they "Do Not" believe in taking tips and handouts at jobs..and any money given should be earned. Sorry for the mistake...

Kuklapolitan said...

To the guy who delivers lost luggage for an airline: You've got some case buddy. You and the hotel porter have nothing in common! It is NOT at all the same! You don't feel you get paid enough so we have to pad your income so you don't feel ill used! I think not. You've got it all pictured to your about looking at it from the other person's vantage point? You're on vacation and have been flying for about 8 hours. You're ready for a bite to eat, a shower and nice the very least. You stand at the baggage carousel for an hour waiting for your bags. They don't come. You spend another 45 minutes at the lost luggage counter putting in your information and a claim. They apologize and you go off into the night or morning...with nothing but the clothes on your back. You're angry...very angry and very worried! Two days later they call to tell you they have your luggage and are forwarding it to your hotel or wherever you said you'd be. In the interim, you had to go out and buy an outfit to wear, from underwear on up, along with cosmetics, toiletries and the whole nine yards...enough for a few days or until they located your stuff. The "guy" finally shows up carrying your bags. You're not looking at him as a savior of any kind. You're looking at him thinking it's about time you got here! That lousy airline stinks! Never again with them! I'm not thinking I owe you one damned thing or gee, isn't this guy great! YOU owe me more than those two bags you're carrying! Tip? I'll tip you all right....I'll give you the tip of my shoe or poke you in the eye with the tip of the umbrella I had to buy because it's been raining here for two days! Which one would you prefer?
Get over it chum...and go get a job that pays!