Wednesday, March 12, 2008

No Longer Subtle

I used to be really good at subtlety when it came to checking out random hot guys. I have mastered taking cell phone shots with the intended target wholly unawares. I have stared down fetching young fellows as they walk by me on the street, in the Metro, at bars. Usually they don't notice because, well, they probably don't want to, but hey, I have fun.

I seem to have lost that subtlety in recent days.

Never mind that, a few days ago, I was at a (straight) bar with some friends of mine and thought I could be all slick by taking photos of guys (with a freaking flash camera -- with red-eye reduction) without them knowing. (Shocker: they figured it out. I'm going to blame the Smithwick's.)

I offered to give away some items from my home recently and some internet stranger offered to come get it some of them. Great, I thought, I get to de-clutter.

The guy showed up at my office building as I asked and called me from downstairs, where I was to go meet him with a bag of my stuff. When I got to the front of my building, I saw him.

He was on a bicycle. Wearing a unitard bike outfit. You know the kind I'm talking about.

Okay, this guys was fully covered up, none of this spaghetti-strap stuff (though it might have been nice...). But when one thinks of bike shorts, really, one's mind can tend to drift toward other things, like wrestling singlets

and spandex

and even superheroes

but in the end, it all really just boils down to one thing: those outfits can leave very little to the imagination. One time I was sitting at a Starbucks, in the window seat, minding my business when a guy wearing a blue bike outfit walked down the street (where was his bike? I have no clue) and I swear not only I could I tell his religion, but I could get an appreciation for his manscape.

So back to this guy picking up some free stuff from me... try as I might, I was having a hard time struggling not to check out this guy's junk. I mean, really, it was just there, begging to be scrutinized. Not too shabby. I know it was horribly rude, but really now, when you wear that, you're kinda just asking for that kind of attention, aren't you? Especially if you're thin and fit, as this guy was.

Words cannot express how extremely happy I was that this guy was able to pick the stuff up from me during the work day, because if I had to arrange for him to come by my home to get it, there's no telling what I'd be tempted to do.


lacochran said...

Many years ago I agreed to go for a bike ride with some work friends. We all showed up at the appointed time and place with our bikes. 4 of us wore casual shorts and shirts. 1 of us work bike shorts. I couldn't NOT look. In fact, it made working with him from that point on a bit challenging as that image kept flashing in my mind.

So, yeah, they know what they're doing when they put those outfits on.

Dennis! said...

Well I'm glad I'm not the only one irresistably drawn to that. And I'm glad to see it's not necessarily just a gay thing. :)

lorelai236 said...

OMG Dennis! That's hilarious.

Dennis the Spy. :)

Anonymous said...

funny, but from a cyclist standpoint there is nothing unusual. it is so common for a cyclist to see and be around guys in bike shorts that only someone not wearing bike shorts on a bike looks odd.