Monday, May 21, 2007

Loose Ends

... since I got back from my trip and I'm still reeling. My sleep patterns haven't yet re-adjusted themselves and I find myself sleepy all the time. Meanwhile, I caught what appears to be a 24-hour bug on my second night back, sending me home from work with chills. (I think I'm better now.) I'm also totally unmotivated to do anything at work, but then again, that's no different from usual.

I'm trying desperately to break up with this guy I'd been seeing for about three months, but I'm being a total pussy and avoiding him completely instead. It's totally uncool, and I know it, but it's just easier this way. I keep planning on calling him; I keep rehearsing the speech; but in the end, I end up just sitting at home doing what I had always done before meeting him, and not picking up the damn phone to call him.

I realize that this announcement comes as something of a bolt from the blue given that I haven't much discussed a dating life on here. I don't like to jinx things like that, so, with the exception of one cryptic post, I didn't blog much about how happy I was, blah blah blah. And it was fun, while it lasted. But in the end, there was just too much about him that I didn't see myself tolerating in the long term. And since those traits were things about him that cut to the core of who he is, there was no way I could either overlook them or ignore them.

Besides, I don't want to be the guy who gets into a relationship with someone then tells them the many ways they must change to suit me. It may be simplistic, but I'd much rather I fall in love with someone whom I like (more or less) as they are. It's simply not fair of me to ask someone to change for me. So it's better I let this one go now.

And now I'm continuing to be a total dick because I've announced to the world what I haven't yet told the one person who really matters.

Still, it was nice while it lasted. Because I'm not some serial monogamist -- and heck, I have a hard enough time getting any dates at all -- it was definitely an exciting feeling to be liked at all by a romantic interest.

Now it's back to singlehood again. Hoorah.

Posts and pics from Amsterdam to follow soon.


Steve said...

Yeah. What's this all about? I had no idea. Sorry to hear it didn't work out, but I've always believed that crap like that happens for a reason. Anyway, we'll be waiting for the pics from your trip. Let's go... while we're young.

Jon said...

You have your reasons- just don't be the guy that breaks up with an email! I'm sure you won't, however

Look forward to hearing about Amsterdam. It's a lot of fun and is artsy, despite the dog shit everywhere

Dop said...

where are you??