You probably don't know this -- or if you do, you're deliberately putting it out of your mind -- but I have an immense crush on you. Huge. You're sweet, and smart, and very handsome, and I love the time I've spent with you.
You possibly don't know that every time I hang out with my friends, I ask whether or not you'll be joining us.
You possibly don't know that whenever I see you, my heart skips a beat.
You possibly don't know that when we hug -- whether it's hello, or goodbye, or anything in between -- I wish it would last forever. Your warmth, your scent, your smile, your eyes: I could get lost in that moment for an eternity.
I've teetered on the precipice of falling head over heels for you for a while.
But it seems like you haven't yet gotten over your last relationship, which ended several years ago. You're still apparently quite wounded by its dissolution. You've told me and our friends explicitly that, having had the love of your life once already, you're really not interested in ever finding anyone else. And it seems like you're not going to be ready for another relationship with anyone any time soon.
I'm sorry that you've been hurt. I'm sorry that you're still hurting. But most of all, I'm sorry that everything that I can offer you, everything I want to give to you, everything I could bring myself to feel for you, won't be enough for you. I'm sorry that you're unable to accept what could be a great thing.
And I'm sorry that I find myself deciding that I'm just going to have to move on, and put what I've felt about you for a long time in the past.
Happy birthday, C---. I loved you.
Thursday, December 21, 2006